I'm in another class now.

Let's pretend you don't speak English. Now let's pretend that you are in a class where everyone speaks only English. Now, we'll pretend again. We're pretending that we're trying to become a teacher and have to learn how to teach kids who don't speak a lot of English. This could be a cool process. It could also be pretty scary. Or it could become the most annoying thing on earth.

This is not NOT NOT NOT the kids' fault. The kids I've come into contact with in the process of learning how to teach ESOL classes are so cool I wish they were mine sometimes. The amount of ridiculous supposedly useful strategies are running rampant in my notebook right now. I also have no idea what my instructor is trying to get us to do or think half the time, and she is completely disorganized. I want to like her so much. I really do. But it's just not possible. We're in her class for 6 hours a week, and I come out of class more confused that I go in. She also obviously likes and thinks 2 kids in our class who annoy me more than probably anyone else I know are very funny. Seriously. These 2 guys talk constantly in my class and "contribute" to class discussion by saying really really stupid things, and I just don't want to have to be in the same room with them anymore. But this woman laughs at their jokes and obviously wants them to think she is funny or cool. No, no no no no. Stop. Alright, I'm trying not to pay attention to her and those 2 guys, but I need to pay attention to class or I'll get lost and not know what I have due next week.

Oh, Adolescence...

Today, in Adolescent Psych class, we reminisced on our own adolescent experiences. It's interesting to think back on that time in a more psychological way and wonder if hormones are the reason for the fights I had with my parents, sister, friends, etc. I really don't think so. I mean, yes, of course, there are important developments going on during adolescence, but that development affects your personality. Even as an adolescent, you're a person with a personality. Sometimes psychology forgets that the people being studied are human beings.

But it is interesting to see statistics and all of that.

So another thing that's been weighing on me recently are body image issues. Why? Why do I or does anyone have body image issues? I mean, I know that there are the big reasons like societal pressures and need for acceptance, self-confidence issues, need for control, and so on. But individually, why do I, why might you, have body image issues? It doesn't make any sense, to be honest. Not that I have a perfect body or will ever have that, but why do I want it in the first place? Does this mean that I'm not satisfied with my life and what I have? Are you satisfied? I just want to know where this comes from and how I can make it go away.

The point is, body image issues are ridiculous and unnecessary. The person having the issues is not ridiculous or unnecessary, but this thought process doesn't make any sense. You're good, I'm good, so let's stop this. Is it that easy? Probably not. But isn't making the decision to try a great step forward, at the very least?

Entering week 3

That's right, folks. We are entering the middle third of our 6-week classes. After this week, we'll be halfway done. I say "we" because I would've probably passed out and not made it through last week had it not been for my writing in this and talking to half of you about how stressed out I am. Honestly, it's probably not that bad. I tend to make things worse for myself by wasting time when I should be working... heh.

I may have done something pretty stupid though. I may have added an extra part-time job into the mix. Here's the situation: one of my professors just got married, and her new husband is an attorney. He needs help with organizing stuff in billing before he and my professor go on a month-long trip in July. So if he decides he needs me, he'll pay me $10/hr for about 3 hrs a day to move things around in an excel spreadsheet. I might even be able to work at my apartment some of the time. It'll be like rowing. If I force myself to do all of the things I NEED to do, I won't have time to waste anyway, unless I don't sleep. But either way, it would only be until the end of June, and it would be some extra money.

So that's part of what's going on for me right now. I should get started on my homework for the week on this Memorial holiday. I hope you all get a minute to take time to remember those who died in the name of our country.

In Class again

I'm posting in class again. She thinks the internet is out, so she probably thinks I'm taking really good notes. That might actually be a good thing to do...

I've been having some trouble making myself post lately because I wasn't really feeling like sharing my feelings. I've been stressed out about school, finding a job, working, figuring out the near future, and so on. That's not fun stuff to read, and it's not really fun to write about. Today, things aren't any different than they were yesterday, technically, but I feel like I can take a deep breath and think about other things.

We went to Boston this weekend. Matt's sister graduated from Boston University, and she won a bunch of awards and got some honors, and it was pretty cool overall. Boston is a fantastic city, and a lot of Matt's family members were there. Also, I love the way that Matt and his sister are together. They're friends who really really care about each other. I don't have a brother, and my sister quite a bit older than I am, so being that close with a family member is pretty awesome to be around.

We went to a lot of different ceremonies and things like that, but then we also got to enjoy Boston a little bit. I've never loved cities, but I could see myself spending time in a city like Boston. Comparing Boston to Gainesville is just sort of unfair to Gainesville. Gainesville is like a yard sale or an antique store or something. Parts of the town are really cool and quaint, like the good stuff in an antique store, but then there are parts that are just junk. Who needs an old ladder or a tin bucket? Why do antique stores sell that crap? I still love Bloomington like my favorite pair of tennis shoes, but that's because I walked all over that town and molded it to my feet.

I'll keep trying to learn Gainesville, but it's like trying to start a relationship after falling out of love with your first love. Can I use any more metaphors in this post? The point is, I'm not in love with Gainesville, but I'm willing to put forth effort to this relationship. I'll try to make it work. Hopefully we'll get along until it's time to make a change.

As promised....

Here's a picture of my hair. I'm dressed up in this picture because we're on our way to Matt's sister, Kate's, graduation.

And this second picture, I took of myself to check and make sure my hair looked ok... This new hair cut has made me more self-conscious or concerned about exactly what my hair looks like. Lame, I know.

I'll put up more pictures soon.

class

I'm in class. I shouldn't be disrespectful like this, but I'm feeling an entry coming on.

So I'm in an adolescent psychology class, and it's actually pretty cool. We're talking right now about how "adolescent moodiness" has been blown out of proportion. She's saying that moods aren't necessarily directly related to hormones and are more related to changes in context, and that adolescents are thrown into more different situations than adults. That makes sense, eh? Adults get up, go to work, run errands, and go back home. Maybe they do some other things in there, but that's pretty general. Adolescents get up, go to school, switch classes every 50 minutes, go to sports or after school stuff, then go home. They're all over the place.

Also, it's a biological fact that during adolescence, after puberty starts, kids naturally want to go to bed later and wake up later. AND they're supposed to be getting 9 hours of sleep!! Yeah right.

I'm still participating in class, which is funny. I just thought you should all know these psychological tidbits. I'm also eating White Cheddar Cheez-its, which as are delicious, I can't even begin to tell you.

Two updates: I'm less freaked out about doing work and stuff because I made a list and am slowly whittling it down. Also, I'll put up a couple of pictures during my next post. For real.

I bought a camera

I did it. I gave in. Unfortunately, I haven't had time to take many pictures yet, and I also haven't installed the software on my computer yet.

But you'll get pictures of things soon. I promise you that.

Today is a day of stepping back, de-stressing, and making a giant list or chart of EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO. I'm going to space out and time how long it should take me to work on things, and then I'll have a big list that I can cross tasks off of when they are finished. Just thinking about that pleases me.

Another, more thoughtful post

My last post was basically just a list of things I'll be doing for the next 6 weeks. I also have other things going on in my mind, so I'll write those down now:

First, yesterday, I made a huge mistake. I basically accused one of my best friends of something she didn't do, and the amazing thing was, though I hurt her feelings, she didn't act angry at me at all. I was a jerk in the morning, then realized my ridiculousness and rash, callous reaction to something I didn't fully understand, so I told her I was sorry, and then she called me in the evening, where the entire goal of the conversation was to work out the issue and figure out what was really behind it. Not only was I thankful for her forgiveness, I also learned something about friendship and relationships, and big-time about myself.

The underlying issue of the whole thing is that I need to face my insecurities with myself and my role in God's kingdom, as a Christian trying to live in this world. Please, those of you who aren't Christian, don't stop reading here. I'm not trying to preach to you. This can apply to someone trying to figure out the next step, someone trying to figure out where their life is headed. That's what I'm trying to do.

I have just always thought that there was a "way." I saw the way that other Christians served other people or decided where to go or what to do. I watched as other people found their "thing," the thing they lived for that drove them. To Christians, the main "thing" is serving Jesus, but it often seemed like that led to other "things" like mission work overseas or in the inner city or being a camp counselor for under privileged kids. I've been living in the illusion that those are the types of things, of life callings, that are worthy of the kingdom. Honestly, I don't think I am suited to those things at all, and I think that God made me that way and that He'll show me something else. After some invaluable chats and advice with my community-from-afar (as I am still searching for a Gainesville bible study), I realized that I have some things started that are darn good first steps. Clearly, I am in school to become a teacher, and even though I probably won't work at a Christian school and won't be spreading the gospel through public schools, as that is illegal, I can do so much good in that role just in helping kids learn, whether it be history or just life skills. I think of the teachers I know now and what incredible examples they are to kids, and I, of course, think of teachers I had in my own past that without a doubt changed my life.

So I'm not going to go to Africa and become a missionary. I'm also not going to try to jump into inner city missions or become a back-packing trip leader for under privileged youths, though that's probably the coolest thing I could possibly think of. I'll concentrate on making this teaching thing happen and realize that I do have my place in the world, and my place in the world will look almost nothing like anyone else's. Neither will yours.

Ack!

I'm stressed out again. I'm writing for your benefit, yes you, dear reader, even though I should be doing some reading or assignment for one of my four summer classes. Growl.

Summer A = 6 weeks long.

I am taking 2 online courses run by professors (really freaking cool grad students), and it's nice to not have class meetings, but they're still going to be pretty labor-intensive, especially since they're grad-level classes.

I am also taking 2 classes that meet in class rooms, the old fashioned way. One of them is an adolescent psychology course, in which we've already had a pretty cool discussion. That meets every day for an hour and 15 minutes, which isn't that bad considering this year got me used to 3-hr long class periods. Speaking of 3-hr long class periods, I'm also taking an ESOL (English to Speakers of Other Languages) methods course. In theory, this could possibly be a cool class. In practice, it will supersuck. It meets twice a week for 3 hours, and yesterday, our first class meeting, was the most unorganized, chaotic class session I've had since I was the one teaching, and those only were allowed to last for 50 minutes, not 3 hours. She threw 3 projects on us in one night and had us sign up for volunteering that we weren't informed that we were going to do. Volunteering is great, and I'll be glad to do it, but we should've been told in advance. Work schedules need to be arranged. Other class readings and assignments need to be done. Sleep needs to occur to some extent.

I know that I can make it through 6 weeks. I'm just going to be frazzled and tired through most of it. On top of classes, I'm supposed to be working my butt off to find a job somewhere in the area of Gainesville, but thinking about that makes me want to cry a little bit, especially since I've been awake since 4.45am, as I worked the opening shift this morning.

I'm also worried because Matt and I are going to Boston this weekend for his sister's graduation, something that's been planned for months now. I can't wait for this trip because it is going to be so much fun, but I am going to be feeling guilty and distracted the whole time we're there.

Sorry. Probably not a very fun post to read, but I needed to write it all down because when everything I have to do is just floating around in my head, it feels like way too much to handle. When I write it down, I feel like I'm hammering it down, to some extent.

In other news, I finally went to the grocery store and bought food. I now have my supply of cereal and cheezits, along with some other things, including roasted almonds. That will be an exciting snack later. :)

Boysitting and other endeavors

I got a haircut yesterday. I love it. I'm sorry I can't upload pictures of my haircut because I don't have a camera right now. I realize I really need one, but now is not the time in my life to be buying cameras. Now is a great time in my life to be getting a job, like a teaching job that would actually be more like a career. Florida is a terrible state that does terrible things to its education budget, so if those of you who pray regularly would like to pray for me that I actually do get a job in this state, I would really appreciate it. It sounds like there's more hope than I thought at first, but I'm still a little worried.

A nice thing to do when I'm worried is, I find, babysitting. This particular mom refers to it as "boysitting," which I think is funny, because honestly this 9 year old is no baby. He's so smart and with it and is a ton of fun to hang out with on a Saturday night every once in a while.

The last time I boysat was the day after this boy's birthday, and he was off the wall. He had just gotten a Wii and ate half his birthday cake after dinner, and we chased his cat around outside and looked for good trees to climb, something about which I am an expert. (There were, in my expert opinion, no good trees to climb in their new backyard.)

So I'll go boysit now, and I'll probably be done around 11pm, and then I'll come home and wait for it to be Sunday so I can go pick up Matt at the airport. :)

It's late

I should be tired. I was really tired at 8pm, but now I can't sleep. That makes no sense to me. I guess there's a lot on my mind.

Some of the stupid things on my mind are as follows:

I'm really annoyed by cliches people use in everyday speech. One is the phrase "for the record." This is currently my facebook status also, so I'm being redundant, but obviously I'm very passionate about this particular cliche... Anyway, of which record, are you referring, conversant? Do you think someone is secretly recording everything you say so that at some point, this particular thing that you are saying that you think is especially poignant will be especially noted? Do you think that things can also be stricken from said record, like in a court room? They can't. No one is probably paying attention to what you're saying if you have to say "for the record" anyway, so no one is going to remember that you wanted it recorded. Except for me. But I'll forget it on purpose because you began your point with, "For the record..."

I dislike, almost to the point of hatred, the phrase "living it up," as in, "It's my senior year, and I'm just living it up!" You are doing no such thing. You are probably lame and not doing much living at all. Stop saying that.

I think it's kind funny that the joke, "I like long walks on the beach," has become a cliche now, too. It started as a legitimate thing to like. Then a lot of people started saying it to attract people of the opposite sex, mainly guys trying to attract girls who would think they were sensitive guys who would not, under any circumstance, try to take advantage of them on these particular long walks. Then it became a cliche, and then it became a joke that insensitive people or high school boys started to say in reference to the cliche. And now the joke is a cliche, too. Have you ever heard someone honestly say that they like long walks on the beach, not in a situation in which they were introducing themselves to a large group of people and trying to make a joke? Maybe I'm taking this one a little too far, but I found that pretty funny.

So for those of you I've offended with my ridiculous midnight opinions, I sincerely apologize. I hope you continue enjoying living it up. And for the record, I'm sure you truly do love long walks on the beach.

Walking

It's hot in Florida.

Not much of a newsflash, I know, but there it is. But I've really been enjoying walking recently. I love running, but I've had this cold that won't go away for almost a week now, and I figure I should let myself get better before I start running again. To remedy this lack of exercise, I've been walking for like an hour and a half or more at a time, mainly since I have tons of time right now. (Blessing and a curse, but we'll stick with the blessing side for right now.)

So I've been walking, and since it's hot out, if I'm walking toward a destination, I am all sweaty by the time I get there. I figure people are probably used to it, so I just try to make sure I smell good before I leave and hope that I'll just be neutral by the time I get there, rather than starting neutral and ending up smelling bad. I think that makes sense.

During my walks, I tend to either call someone or just happen to get phone calls that I don't need to shorten because I'm walking. Today, Matt called. He was on the way to my house in Granger (because he's at home at his parents' house in Indiana, so it's only an hour drive to my house from there) to have a conversation with my parents. Traditionally, it's the kind of conversation that a guy has with a girl's father, but my mom was home from school today, so the three of them had a nice talk on the back porch. I think it went well.

Basically, all I've been doing the past few days, with all of my free time, is thinking about the future. I've been thinking about weddings and jobs and homes and time lines, and then I get exhausted and take a nap. That's partially from this cold that won't go away, but I also blame it on the future-thinking.

Today, on my walk, I was so distracted by thinking about what could be going on on my back porch in Indiana over 1000 miles away that I completely forgot that I had planned to walk to the post office to buy stamps, and I walked to another store and bought some shoes. My mind is all fuzzy. But I love the shoes, and the girls in the store didn't seem to mind that I was sweaty from walking.

It's 2008. Did you know?

Thanks to Juno, I will never be able to think of the song "All the Young Dudes" by Mott the Hoople in the same way again. I will always associate it with a creepy married guy hitting on a pregnant high school girl. Moving on...

This afternoon, I went on a long walk and talked to my parents and a couple of good friends with whom I have not spoken in a very long time. It was great. I didn't want to run because my throat hurts, but I still wanted to be active somehow, so I walked and talked. For an hour and a half. It went by really freaking fast. I should do that more often. So look forward to that in the future, friends.

As I was walking and talking, however, I was struck by the fact that, as it is 2008, and I graduated in May of 2006, I have now been out of college for 2 full school years. Wow. I know that I'm almost done with grad school and will hopefully get a teaching job within the next few months, but I still feel like I should be in college and it's some cosmic joke that I've had to move on. I really liked IU and the insulated little life I had there. I guess that's why moving on was so necessary. I really had no idea what was going on in the world while living in the IU bubble. I don't think anyone really tells us how difficult the post-college transition period is on purpose because then we'd all just stay in college. I would. I like going to class, getting a new schedule every semester, figuring out a new routine every few months, having well scheduled breaks, and being around lots and lots of cool people. Which makes sense. Sounds like a pretty good life to me. I suppose after a while, it would get old and need to end.

Still. I can't believe it's already May. I need to get my resume out to all of the schools in this county ASAP. growl.

Hiccups

I get hiccups more than anyone else I know. Also, whenever I get them, I get them multiple times in a day. It is currently 2.48pm and I have the hiccups for the 3rd (THIRD) time today! I have always wondered why I get hiccups so often and what causes them in the first place, so naturally, I googled it. There are some different ideas about where they come from, but they really don't know for sure. The eMedicine site says that hiccups could be caused by eating too fast, eating too much fatty food, or drinking too much alcohol. I haven't done any of those things today. Maybe I just swallow a lot of air. Either way, it's irritating.

When I was little, I used to get hiccups so much that I would get ANGRY, and then my hiccups would get worse to the point of being painful to my throat and stomach, and then I would either cry or punch myself in the stomach. Neither of those are recommended remedies on the eMedicine website.

They do list other remedies, however: "Hold your breathe. Drink a glass of water quickly. Become frightened. Use smelling salts. Pull hard on your tongue. Place one-half teaspoon of dry sugar on the back of your tongue. (You can repeat this process 3 times at 2-minute intervals. Use corn syrup, not sugar, in young children.)" Alright, the first 3, I've heard before. Smelling salts? I'm not even really sure what those are. I have no idea what pulling on your tongue would do. And the last one sounds disgusting. I've heard of eating a big spoonful of peanut butter before, which sounds much better to me.

They also didn't list my favorite remedy. I swear by it, mainly because it's hilarious and really difficult to do the first time you try it. I used this remedy this morning when I got the hiccups twice while I was at work. My co-workers and the customers looked at me like I was crazy, so I think this remedy is best performed in a public place because then you're doing everyone a little bit of good. Basically, you drink from the wrong side of the glass. No, you do not just turn the glass to drink from the side that was previously across from you. That doesn't do anything special. You have to lean ALL THE WAY OVER the glass so that the glass remains upright and you don't spill all over everything, and tip the glass toward your now upside down mouth. I hope that makes sense. Be careful not to get water up your nose if you try it.

I'll try to think of more things to post about so I stop feeling lonely all by myself in Florida...