Saturday, July 5, 2008

Puppypuppypuppypuppy!!



Yep. We got a dog. His name is Indiana and he's awesome. He's about a year and a half old, and we couldn't ask for a better first dog. He's already house trained and already seems to really like us.



We played a lot today and went for a couple of walks. I'm just so excited and totally floored by how quickly and smoothly the adoption went and by what a good dog he is. He's such a good boy. :)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Oh yeah, that patience thing...

Why why why does the Post Office have an automated system that makes it impossible to speak to a real human? Usually there's an option at the end that says something like, "If you'd like to speak to a customer service rep, press 98." Not the post office. I was recently mailed something. The sender did not know my apartment number, so he just mailed it without the number, assuming that it would magically appear in my mailbox. Now he is demanding that I have the contents of this mailing when it is clearly not my fault that I am not in possession of the thing. So now, when I'm tired and cranky because I opened at sbux this morning and under the impression that this extra job was going to be over (because he said it would be over at the end of June), I'm supposed to run all over town to find this stupid thing. gah

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Back from wherever I was

Hello dear friends who read my blog (if any of you still check it, since it's been so long since I last updated). I apologize for my absence. My summer has finally started, so hopefully I can write a little bit more consistently now. Here is a short list of what I've been up to that's been stressing me out so much lately:

- School (4 summer classes that demanded a lot more of my attention than I thought they would)

- Work (2 jobs, one at Starbucks which is pretty straightforward, one at a law office where I'm just supposed to get as much work done as possible whenever I can, which made me feel like I should always be doing work, and I probably should've done a lot more than I actually did)

- Job search (looking for a full-time teaching job - a fruitless endeavor in this county, so I'll probably start looking elsewhere soon. More on that later)

- Moving (you know, from one apartment to another)

- Short trip home (for my cousin's wedding! That was this past Saturday and was much more of a joy than a chore. Sooooo beautiful)

So I was really stressed out and don't handle stress well, so I sort of cut off communication with everyone except for those who actively sought communication with me. I'm sorry for that. I'll be better now.

Lately, I've been learning that I need to return to my focus on patience. I have very very little. A couple of years ago, I was really thinking and praying about it a lot and thought I had gotten a little better about it. Since then, I've become a stressed out crazy-person (sometimes) and need to return to this focus. I need to have patience when I'm driving or talking to someone who is taking a long time to get to their point. I need to be patient when I don't want to be doing the activity I'm involved in with friends or whomever. I need to be patient when I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life and feel like my little plans are thwarted. I want to be more fluid, to just go with the flow and remember that things will work out for the best and probably not at all how I thought they would go. I had this plan in my head that I would get a teaching job in May or June and would have the rest of the summer to plan. Well here we are on the first day of July, and I still have no job. I just heard back from the school where I really wanted to work that the position I was applying for was filled by a tenured teacher from another school because he'd been laid off at his school due to budget cuts. The school district has to protect its people, and in this time of hiring freezes and gigantic budget cuts, they can't afford to take risks on brand new teachers. My current line of thinking is that maybe taking a year to substitute and continuing to work for the lawyer to get some different experiences would not be a bad thing to do at all. And we're probably going to be leaving Gainesville next summer anyway, so working at a school for one year and then leaving isn't really fair to the school anyway. But, as my mom and Matt say, who knows what will happen in the next few weeks before school starts? Only God, and He wants me to work on patience, which means I don't get to know the plan. Not bitter about that... really...

I know that many many people are in this same position. Some teachers I know are in the EXACT same position, but more broadly, a lot of people are struggling with being uncertain as to what the next step in their lives should be. I guess it's pretty common for our age group. These "transitional" years get shoved into this category of something to just get through, and then we can start our real lives after that. I don't like that at all. I would really like to consider myself as someone currently living, not someone who will be living at some point. So let's work on that. That, and patience.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Rise and shine!

A song that I often think of when I first wake up in the morning goes like this:

"Rise, and shine, and give God the Glory! Glory!
Rise, and shine, and give God the Glory! Glory!"

And so on. It's peppy and happy and you jump up and down and clap while singing. We used to sing this song at various camps and at LOG on the last morning of the retreat. It can be kind of an obnoxious when you're super tired and just want to stay asleep. This song would actually make people angry at LOG on Sunday morning after hardly sleeping for a weekend. But man does this song wake me up. I wanted to sing it this morning when I was feeling sick and tired at Starbucks. I should have sung this song during the 3 hr break between my 2 classes, but instead, I cried and was stressed out and had Matt come pick me up from the library because it was raining and he gave me a pep talk and I didn't get any homework done. I was glad for the talk and glad to not think about school work for a little while.

Thoughts?

I had a couple of thoughts I figured I'd write down. They're not profound by any means. I just thought them up:

Why are bugs not afraid of us but birds and most other animals in the wild are? Why will bugs not become afraid of us when we swat at them and try to get them away from our faces? Are their lives so short and meaningless that they don't even value them enough to fear for them? I mean, they serve an important purpose of pollinating and helping decompose and other buggy things, so it's good they're around, and maybe they should value their little lives a little more and stay clear of my mouth and ears when I'm walking to class.

Why does it happen that, while at work at Starbucks, you'll have a lull time and then 5 people completely unconnected to one another will come in all at once? Why can't they trickle in slowly, rather than all coming at the same time? I just always wondered if people wait around outside for other people to show up so they don't walk in by themselves. Seriously. It always happens.

My knee started hurting today. Out of no where. I was riding along in Matt's car, and it just started hurting more and more until my stomach clenched and I thought I might puke (so also, why does pain cause nausea? Am I the only one that happens to?), and now it's more of a dull throb. But I did nothing to bring on this pain! It's the knee I had surgery on in high school, and I always joke that I can tell the weather with it, but I wasn't being serious. It has since thunder stormed like there's no tomorrow, but now it's over, so this knee pain can go away now, please.

Why is appearance so closely linked with self-esteem? And speaking of self-esteem, some psychological research is suggesting that too high of self-esteem can be as bad as to low of self-esteem. If you already think you're great, you're not likely to work very hard in school or be bothered by bad grades. Also, bullies can often have really really high self-esteems so they have an over-inflated sense of self-importance. It makes sense, if you think about it. It's all about balance because self-esteem and humility.

Alright, I've spent enough time putting off my homework. I'd much rather take a nap, but I'm at the library, and I think that's frowned upon. This place is no IU "Wells" library stacks.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Been a while

I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote here. I guess I just got busy. Whew.

I'm in class again, but I'm having trouble finding time to write in here outside of class. The whole idea of personal time right now is almost funny. I had an interview at a near-by high school early last week, and I should hear about that by the end of this week. I'm trying not to dwell on it because I can't change what happens now. I think the interview went really well though. Also, I started working for that lawyer, and that is adding quite a bit of work to my life. I'm getting paid more, so that's great, but a negative impact of all of this is that I'm not able to work out as much. Before, working out was the common denominator that tied Monday through Saturday together. Now, it's a luxury that I can't afford sometimes. Today, I chose to work out instead of getting some work done for the lawyer guy and get paid for 2 hours of work. I'm pretty confident that I made the right choice, but I can't wait until I don't have to make choices like this anymore.

Today is the beginning of week 5 of classes. I have just under 2 weeks of class left. Thank God.

Sorry this isn't more insightful or fun. I'm drained, man...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I'm in another class now.

Let's pretend you don't speak English. Now let's pretend that you are in a class where everyone speaks only English. Now, we'll pretend again. We're pretending that we're trying to become a teacher and have to learn how to teach kids who don't speak a lot of English. This could be a cool process. It could also be pretty scary. Or it could become the most annoying thing on earth.

This is not NOT NOT NOT the kids' fault. The kids I've come into contact with in the process of learning how to teach ESOL classes are so cool I wish they were mine sometimes. The amount of ridiculous supposedly useful strategies are running rampant in my notebook right now. I also have no idea what my instructor is trying to get us to do or think half the time, and she is completely disorganized. I want to like her so much. I really do. But it's just not possible. We're in her class for 6 hours a week, and I come out of class more confused that I go in. She also obviously likes and thinks 2 kids in our class who annoy me more than probably anyone else I know are very funny. Seriously. These 2 guys talk constantly in my class and "contribute" to class discussion by saying really really stupid things, and I just don't want to have to be in the same room with them anymore. But this woman laughs at their jokes and obviously wants them to think she is funny or cool. No, no no no no. Stop. Alright, I'm trying not to pay attention to her and those 2 guys, but I need to pay attention to class or I'll get lost and not know what I have due next week.

Oh, Adolescence...

Today, in Adolescent Psych class, we reminisced on our own adolescent experiences. It's interesting to think back on that time in a more psychological way and wonder if hormones are the reason for the fights I had with my parents, sister, friends, etc. I really don't think so. I mean, yes, of course, there are important developments going on during adolescence, but that development affects your personality. Even as an adolescent, you're a person with a personality. Sometimes psychology forgets that the people being studied are human beings.

But it is interesting to see statistics and all of that.

So another thing that's been weighing on me recently are body image issues. Why? Why do I or does anyone have body image issues? I mean, I know that there are the big reasons like societal pressures and need for acceptance, self-confidence issues, need for control, and so on. But individually, why do I, why might you, have body image issues? It doesn't make any sense, to be honest. Not that I have a perfect body or will ever have that, but why do I want it in the first place? Does this mean that I'm not satisfied with my life and what I have? Are you satisfied? I just want to know where this comes from and how I can make it go away.

The point is, body image issues are ridiculous and unnecessary. The person having the issues is not ridiculous or unnecessary, but this thought process doesn't make any sense. You're good, I'm good, so let's stop this. Is it that easy? Probably not. But isn't making the decision to try a great step forward, at the very least?

Monday, May 26, 2008

Entering week 3

That's right, folks. We are entering the middle third of our 6-week classes. After this week, we'll be halfway done. I say "we" because I would've probably passed out and not made it through last week had it not been for my writing in this and talking to half of you about how stressed out I am. Honestly, it's probably not that bad. I tend to make things worse for myself by wasting time when I should be working... heh.

I may have done something pretty stupid though. I may have added an extra part-time job into the mix. Here's the situation: one of my professors just got married, and her new husband is an attorney. He needs help with organizing stuff in billing before he and my professor go on a month-long trip in July. So if he decides he needs me, he'll pay me $10/hr for about 3 hrs a day to move things around in an excel spreadsheet. I might even be able to work at my apartment some of the time. It'll be like rowing. If I force myself to do all of the things I NEED to do, I won't have time to waste anyway, unless I don't sleep. But either way, it would only be until the end of June, and it would be some extra money.

So that's part of what's going on for me right now. I should get started on my homework for the week on this Memorial holiday. I hope you all get a minute to take time to remember those who died in the name of our country.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

In Class again

I'm posting in class again. She thinks the internet is out, so she probably thinks I'm taking really good notes. That might actually be a good thing to do...

I've been having some trouble making myself post lately because I wasn't really feeling like sharing my feelings. I've been stressed out about school, finding a job, working, figuring out the near future, and so on. That's not fun stuff to read, and it's not really fun to write about. Today, things aren't any different than they were yesterday, technically, but I feel like I can take a deep breath and think about other things.

We went to Boston this weekend. Matt's sister graduated from Boston University, and she won a bunch of awards and got some honors, and it was pretty cool overall. Boston is a fantastic city, and a lot of Matt's family members were there. Also, I love the way that Matt and his sister are together. They're friends who really really care about each other. I don't have a brother, and my sister quite a bit older than I am, so being that close with a family member is pretty awesome to be around.

We went to a lot of different ceremonies and things like that, but then we also got to enjoy Boston a little bit. I've never loved cities, but I could see myself spending time in a city like Boston. Comparing Boston to Gainesville is just sort of unfair to Gainesville. Gainesville is like a yard sale or an antique store or something. Parts of the town are really cool and quaint, like the good stuff in an antique store, but then there are parts that are just junk. Who needs an old ladder or a tin bucket? Why do antique stores sell that crap? I still love Bloomington like my favorite pair of tennis shoes, but that's because I walked all over that town and molded it to my feet.

I'll keep trying to learn Gainesville, but it's like trying to start a relationship after falling out of love with your first love. Can I use any more metaphors in this post? The point is, I'm not in love with Gainesville, but I'm willing to put forth effort to this relationship. I'll try to make it work. Hopefully we'll get along until it's time to make a change.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

As promised....






Here's a picture of my hair. I'm dressed up in this picture because we're on our way to Matt's sister, Kate's, graduation.

And this second picture, I took of myself to check and make sure my hair looked ok... This new hair cut has made me more self-conscious or concerned about exactly what my hair looks like. Lame, I know.

I'll put up more pictures soon.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

class

I'm in class. I shouldn't be disrespectful like this, but I'm feeling an entry coming on.

So I'm in an adolescent psychology class, and it's actually pretty cool. We're talking right now about how "adolescent moodiness" has been blown out of proportion. She's saying that moods aren't necessarily directly related to hormones and are more related to changes in context, and that adolescents are thrown into more different situations than adults. That makes sense, eh? Adults get up, go to work, run errands, and go back home. Maybe they do some other things in there, but that's pretty general. Adolescents get up, go to school, switch classes every 50 minutes, go to sports or after school stuff, then go home. They're all over the place.

Also, it's a biological fact that during adolescence, after puberty starts, kids naturally want to go to bed later and wake up later. AND they're supposed to be getting 9 hours of sleep!! Yeah right.

I'm still participating in class, which is funny. I just thought you should all know these psychological tidbits. I'm also eating White Cheddar Cheez-its, which as are delicious, I can't even begin to tell you.

Two updates: I'm less freaked out about doing work and stuff because I made a list and am slowly whittling it down. Also, I'll put up a couple of pictures during my next post. For real.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I bought a camera

I did it. I gave in. Unfortunately, I haven't had time to take many pictures yet, and I also haven't installed the software on my computer yet.

But you'll get pictures of things soon. I promise you that.

Today is a day of stepping back, de-stressing, and making a giant list or chart of EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO. I'm going to space out and time how long it should take me to work on things, and then I'll have a big list that I can cross tasks off of when they are finished. Just thinking about that pleases me.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Another, more thoughtful post

My last post was basically just a list of things I'll be doing for the next 6 weeks. I also have other things going on in my mind, so I'll write those down now:

First, yesterday, I made a huge mistake. I basically accused one of my best friends of something she didn't do, and the amazing thing was, though I hurt her feelings, she didn't act angry at me at all. I was a jerk in the morning, then realized my ridiculousness and rash, callous reaction to something I didn't fully understand, so I told her I was sorry, and then she called me in the evening, where the entire goal of the conversation was to work out the issue and figure out what was really behind it. Not only was I thankful for her forgiveness, I also learned something about friendship and relationships, and big-time about myself.

The underlying issue of the whole thing is that I need to face my insecurities with myself and my role in God's kingdom, as a Christian trying to live in this world. Please, those of you who aren't Christian, don't stop reading here. I'm not trying to preach to you. This can apply to someone trying to figure out the next step, someone trying to figure out where their life is headed. That's what I'm trying to do.

I have just always thought that there was a "way." I saw the way that other Christians served other people or decided where to go or what to do. I watched as other people found their "thing," the thing they lived for that drove them. To Christians, the main "thing" is serving Jesus, but it often seemed like that led to other "things" like mission work overseas or in the inner city or being a camp counselor for under privileged kids. I've been living in the illusion that those are the types of things, of life callings, that are worthy of the kingdom. Honestly, I don't think I am suited to those things at all, and I think that God made me that way and that He'll show me something else. After some invaluable chats and advice with my community-from-afar (as I am still searching for a Gainesville bible study), I realized that I have some things started that are darn good first steps. Clearly, I am in school to become a teacher, and even though I probably won't work at a Christian school and won't be spreading the gospel through public schools, as that is illegal, I can do so much good in that role just in helping kids learn, whether it be history or just life skills. I think of the teachers I know now and what incredible examples they are to kids, and I, of course, think of teachers I had in my own past that without a doubt changed my life.

So I'm not going to go to Africa and become a missionary. I'm also not going to try to jump into inner city missions or become a back-packing trip leader for under privileged youths, though that's probably the coolest thing I could possibly think of. I'll concentrate on making this teaching thing happen and realize that I do have my place in the world, and my place in the world will look almost nothing like anyone else's. Neither will yours.

Ack!

I'm stressed out again. I'm writing for your benefit, yes you, dear reader, even though I should be doing some reading or assignment for one of my four summer classes. Growl.

Summer A = 6 weeks long.

I am taking 2 online courses run by professors (really freaking cool grad students), and it's nice to not have class meetings, but they're still going to be pretty labor-intensive, especially since they're grad-level classes.

I am also taking 2 classes that meet in class rooms, the old fashioned way. One of them is an adolescent psychology course, in which we've already had a pretty cool discussion. That meets every day for an hour and 15 minutes, which isn't that bad considering this year got me used to 3-hr long class periods. Speaking of 3-hr long class periods, I'm also taking an ESOL (English to Speakers of Other Languages) methods course. In theory, this could possibly be a cool class. In practice, it will supersuck. It meets twice a week for 3 hours, and yesterday, our first class meeting, was the most unorganized, chaotic class session I've had since I was the one teaching, and those only were allowed to last for 50 minutes, not 3 hours. She threw 3 projects on us in one night and had us sign up for volunteering that we weren't informed that we were going to do. Volunteering is great, and I'll be glad to do it, but we should've been told in advance. Work schedules need to be arranged. Other class readings and assignments need to be done. Sleep needs to occur to some extent.

I know that I can make it through 6 weeks. I'm just going to be frazzled and tired through most of it. On top of classes, I'm supposed to be working my butt off to find a job somewhere in the area of Gainesville, but thinking about that makes me want to cry a little bit, especially since I've been awake since 4.45am, as I worked the opening shift this morning.

I'm also worried because Matt and I are going to Boston this weekend for his sister's graduation, something that's been planned for months now. I can't wait for this trip because it is going to be so much fun, but I am going to be feeling guilty and distracted the whole time we're there.

Sorry. Probably not a very fun post to read, but I needed to write it all down because when everything I have to do is just floating around in my head, it feels like way too much to handle. When I write it down, I feel like I'm hammering it down, to some extent.

In other news, I finally went to the grocery store and bought food. I now have my supply of cereal and cheezits, along with some other things, including roasted almonds. That will be an exciting snack later. :)

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Boysitting and other endeavors

I got a haircut yesterday. I love it. I'm sorry I can't upload pictures of my haircut because I don't have a camera right now. I realize I really need one, but now is not the time in my life to be buying cameras. Now is a great time in my life to be getting a job, like a teaching job that would actually be more like a career. Florida is a terrible state that does terrible things to its education budget, so if those of you who pray regularly would like to pray for me that I actually do get a job in this state, I would really appreciate it. It sounds like there's more hope than I thought at first, but I'm still a little worried.

A nice thing to do when I'm worried is, I find, babysitting. This particular mom refers to it as "boysitting," which I think is funny, because honestly this 9 year old is no baby. He's so smart and with it and is a ton of fun to hang out with on a Saturday night every once in a while.

The last time I boysat was the day after this boy's birthday, and he was off the wall. He had just gotten a Wii and ate half his birthday cake after dinner, and we chased his cat around outside and looked for good trees to climb, something about which I am an expert. (There were, in my expert opinion, no good trees to climb in their new backyard.)

So I'll go boysit now, and I'll probably be done around 11pm, and then I'll come home and wait for it to be Sunday so I can go pick up Matt at the airport. :)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

It's late

I should be tired. I was really tired at 8pm, but now I can't sleep. That makes no sense to me. I guess there's a lot on my mind.

Some of the stupid things on my mind are as follows:

I'm really annoyed by cliches people use in everyday speech. One is the phrase "for the record." This is currently my facebook status also, so I'm being redundant, but obviously I'm very passionate about this particular cliche... Anyway, of which record, are you referring, conversant? Do you think someone is secretly recording everything you say so that at some point, this particular thing that you are saying that you think is especially poignant will be especially noted? Do you think that things can also be stricken from said record, like in a court room? They can't. No one is probably paying attention to what you're saying if you have to say "for the record" anyway, so no one is going to remember that you wanted it recorded. Except for me. But I'll forget it on purpose because you began your point with, "For the record..."

I dislike, almost to the point of hatred, the phrase "living it up," as in, "It's my senior year, and I'm just living it up!" You are doing no such thing. You are probably lame and not doing much living at all. Stop saying that.

I think it's kind funny that the joke, "I like long walks on the beach," has become a cliche now, too. It started as a legitimate thing to like. Then a lot of people started saying it to attract people of the opposite sex, mainly guys trying to attract girls who would think they were sensitive guys who would not, under any circumstance, try to take advantage of them on these particular long walks. Then it became a cliche, and then it became a joke that insensitive people or high school boys started to say in reference to the cliche. And now the joke is a cliche, too. Have you ever heard someone honestly say that they like long walks on the beach, not in a situation in which they were introducing themselves to a large group of people and trying to make a joke? Maybe I'm taking this one a little too far, but I found that pretty funny.

So for those of you I've offended with my ridiculous midnight opinions, I sincerely apologize. I hope you continue enjoying living it up. And for the record, I'm sure you truly do love long walks on the beach.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Walking

It's hot in Florida.

Not much of a newsflash, I know, but there it is. But I've really been enjoying walking recently. I love running, but I've had this cold that won't go away for almost a week now, and I figure I should let myself get better before I start running again. To remedy this lack of exercise, I've been walking for like an hour and a half or more at a time, mainly since I have tons of time right now. (Blessing and a curse, but we'll stick with the blessing side for right now.)

So I've been walking, and since it's hot out, if I'm walking toward a destination, I am all sweaty by the time I get there. I figure people are probably used to it, so I just try to make sure I smell good before I leave and hope that I'll just be neutral by the time I get there, rather than starting neutral and ending up smelling bad. I think that makes sense.

During my walks, I tend to either call someone or just happen to get phone calls that I don't need to shorten because I'm walking. Today, Matt called. He was on the way to my house in Granger (because he's at home at his parents' house in Indiana, so it's only an hour drive to my house from there) to have a conversation with my parents. Traditionally, it's the kind of conversation that a guy has with a girl's father, but my mom was home from school today, so the three of them had a nice talk on the back porch. I think it went well.

Basically, all I've been doing the past few days, with all of my free time, is thinking about the future. I've been thinking about weddings and jobs and homes and time lines, and then I get exhausted and take a nap. That's partially from this cold that won't go away, but I also blame it on the future-thinking.

Today, on my walk, I was so distracted by thinking about what could be going on on my back porch in Indiana over 1000 miles away that I completely forgot that I had planned to walk to the post office to buy stamps, and I walked to another store and bought some shoes. My mind is all fuzzy. But I love the shoes, and the girls in the store didn't seem to mind that I was sweaty from walking.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

It's 2008. Did you know?

Thanks to Juno, I will never be able to think of the song "All the Young Dudes" by Mott the Hoople in the same way again. I will always associate it with a creepy married guy hitting on a pregnant high school girl. Moving on...

This afternoon, I went on a long walk and talked to my parents and a couple of good friends with whom I have not spoken in a very long time. It was great. I didn't want to run because my throat hurts, but I still wanted to be active somehow, so I walked and talked. For an hour and a half. It went by really freaking fast. I should do that more often. So look forward to that in the future, friends.

As I was walking and talking, however, I was struck by the fact that, as it is 2008, and I graduated in May of 2006, I have now been out of college for 2 full school years. Wow. I know that I'm almost done with grad school and will hopefully get a teaching job within the next few months, but I still feel like I should be in college and it's some cosmic joke that I've had to move on. I really liked IU and the insulated little life I had there. I guess that's why moving on was so necessary. I really had no idea what was going on in the world while living in the IU bubble. I don't think anyone really tells us how difficult the post-college transition period is on purpose because then we'd all just stay in college. I would. I like going to class, getting a new schedule every semester, figuring out a new routine every few months, having well scheduled breaks, and being around lots and lots of cool people. Which makes sense. Sounds like a pretty good life to me. I suppose after a while, it would get old and need to end.

Still. I can't believe it's already May. I need to get my resume out to all of the schools in this county ASAP. growl.

Hiccups

I get hiccups more than anyone else I know. Also, whenever I get them, I get them multiple times in a day. It is currently 2.48pm and I have the hiccups for the 3rd (THIRD) time today! I have always wondered why I get hiccups so often and what causes them in the first place, so naturally, I googled it. There are some different ideas about where they come from, but they really don't know for sure. The eMedicine site says that hiccups could be caused by eating too fast, eating too much fatty food, or drinking too much alcohol. I haven't done any of those things today. Maybe I just swallow a lot of air. Either way, it's irritating.

When I was little, I used to get hiccups so much that I would get ANGRY, and then my hiccups would get worse to the point of being painful to my throat and stomach, and then I would either cry or punch myself in the stomach. Neither of those are recommended remedies on the eMedicine website.

They do list other remedies, however: "Hold your breathe. Drink a glass of water quickly. Become frightened. Use smelling salts. Pull hard on your tongue. Place one-half teaspoon of dry sugar on the back of your tongue. (You can repeat this process 3 times at 2-minute intervals. Use corn syrup, not sugar, in young children.)" Alright, the first 3, I've heard before. Smelling salts? I'm not even really sure what those are. I have no idea what pulling on your tongue would do. And the last one sounds disgusting. I've heard of eating a big spoonful of peanut butter before, which sounds much better to me.

They also didn't list my favorite remedy. I swear by it, mainly because it's hilarious and really difficult to do the first time you try it. I used this remedy this morning when I got the hiccups twice while I was at work. My co-workers and the customers looked at me like I was crazy, so I think this remedy is best performed in a public place because then you're doing everyone a little bit of good. Basically, you drink from the wrong side of the glass. No, you do not just turn the glass to drink from the side that was previously across from you. That doesn't do anything special. You have to lean ALL THE WAY OVER the glass so that the glass remains upright and you don't spill all over everything, and tip the glass toward your now upside down mouth. I hope that makes sense. Be careful not to get water up your nose if you try it.

I'll try to think of more things to post about so I stop feeling lonely all by myself in Florida...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Home-coming and Loss

I am home. I got home yesterday afternoon after a very long day on Friday and not sleeping at all the night before. My mom came and picked me up from the South Bend airport and we journeyed the 20 minutes it took to get home in a fairly cheerful mood, despite my lack of sleep. When we got home, I put my stuff down and decided that I would go visit my ailing cat, Marmaduke, who had taken up permanent residence in my parents' bathroom. When I got there, however, I turned out to be too late, and Marmaduke was gone.

My mom and I sat on her bed and cried for about half an hour. At first, I was hysterical because we must have just missed him. He was still warm and I thought he was breathing when we walked in. He looked so peaceful, just like he was sleeping. We both calmed down a bit and realized that he was 16 years old, had lived a long and happy life, and did not die in pain. His kidneys were starting to fail, which was leading to heart failure, but he never cried or acted like he was suffering, so unless he was putting on a good face for us and being a tough little kitty, he just drifted off to sleep, which is the best anyone could ask for.

I've been thinking a lot about this in the past day or so. At first, you think broadly about the premise of having pets, having little animal creatures that we domesticate and have run around our houses. Sure we have to feed them and take care of them, but isn't it weird that we want them at all? But then we realize that they have personalities and funny tendencies, and we get attached to them. So it's like we're signing up for no-strings-attached friendship, just to befriend someone that we don't even have to know but can count on them probably adoring us and loving us in our homes, and then we realize that you can't sign up for that. We love our furry, weird little creatures that run around our houses, even though it's strange that we have the desire to own them in the first place. Then the die at some point because another draw-back to the whole thing is that small animals live shorter lives than humans. It's probably better this way though because then what would the animals do without us? They'd be completely domesticated and unable to get on without humans. Would they just try to find another owner? Maybe. Half of pets are smarter than their owners anyway.

But anyway, then they die, and our hearts break, and we have to get used to walking in the house without hearing a room-filling meow right as you walk in the back door, or sitting on the couch eating cereal without a purring creature coming up and begging for milk, or getting ready for bed in the bathroom without our favorite furry monster jumping up on the counter craving attention and wanting to be pet, or the million other things he did that were so cute and we took for granted.

I'll miss you, Marmaduke. You were a good friend to us, and we'll always remember you.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Over-tired?

You know that point when you're so so tired but just can't get to sleep? My mom used to call that point "over tired" when I was little. I don't know if she made up that term or if this is something that other people refer to as well, but basically, it's just the point when you're super tired and all you want to do is sleep but you're thinking too much about sleeping or whatever else is running through your head. I'm hoping that I'm at that point this afternoon, because that would be a great explanation for why I'm in a horrible mood. But I know what the real reason is: working at Starbucks again.

I know. I had been so positive and up-beat about working there again. And really, it's a good job and serves the purpose I'm looking for in a job. But man, it's annoying. Half of them treat me like I'm brand new, so they tell me what to do constantly. Then when I make a mistake, they're right there to make sure I know how to correct it next time. They also don't give 10 minute breaks like they're supposed to do, so I end up standing in the same spot making drinks for 5 hours at a time, except for the occasional trip around the cafe to make sure it's not messy or out of order or anything. This is also a Starbucks with a ton of regulars, and they and the other sbux workers expect me to have learned all of their drinks already, along with their ridiculous interpretation of all of these rules. One of the girls corrected me 3 times this morning for really silly things: "You're supposed to give venti straws with iced grande drinks," "Don't put ice in the iced coffee pitchers before you put the hot iced coffee in it," "Make sure you don't let that shot expire." Really? The straw size makes a difference in a customer's Starbucks experience? Really? You honestly think that when you put ice in the pitcher will make a difference in the outcome of the drink? Really? You think that I would actually give a customer a bitter gross shot of espresso? What kind of person do you think I am?

Anyway, today sucked, but I'm sure the next time I work will be fine and I'll look back at this post and think, "Man, I must've been over-tired that day."

Monday, April 21, 2008

Maybe I'm just not supposed to be a biker

I just fell off of my (well Matt's) bike. I have some scrapes on my arms and legs, the normal road rash places like knees and elbows. But then I have these weird scrapes in weird places like the middle of my forearm, so that must be from the handlebars or something, and then my toes are really messed up, specifically my right big toe. I was wearing flip flops whilst riding, and I think that's what caused my spill in the first place, so let's remember not to do that again. Most of the skin on the outside of my big toe is gone. I'm pretty queasy, so thinking about it, and also looking at it, making me feel a little sick to my stomach.

However, I managed to not cry, which made me feel proud, and the incredibly nice mail man who was right there when I fell and helped me up and gather my belongings afterward said I fell well, that I held myself up pretty well so it could've been a lot worse. Excellent. I'm just lucky I didn't hit my head. Well, I may have hit my head a little, but I don't have a headache, so I think I'm alright. I won't go to sleep anytime soon, just to be safe...

I fell on the way back from the bank, where I went to get quarters for laundry. Yet another reason to hate doing laundry. It makes me fall off bikes. I'm just sitting here trying not to think about my injuries and trying not to throw up or feel like passing out anymore. Also, I don't have any band-aids in my apartment, so feel free to send some my way if you're able.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

And another thing...

If you're ever in a position to have your apartment be the show apartment for your complex, do not (DO NOT) volunteer. They reel you in saying, "It'll be so great! You'll save $50 a month on your rent! Think about how much you'll save over the year!" But then you get into it and realize that you can't leave your apartment until your bed is made and your clothes are put away and the kitchen is clean and your dishes are put away and your bathroom must not, under any circumstances, smell like anything but fresh cut roses. So you're late a lot because you never actually calculate the time it takes to do that into your "getting ready" time in the morning. And also, when you have a beautiful Sunday afternoon planned of lying on your unmade bed watching Juno and eating dark chocolate that you bought yesterday while icing your hip flexors, they call and say, "Hi this is Taya from the front office. I just wanted to let you know that we're coming to show your apartment." And you have to smile and say, "Ok, come on over." But in your head, you're like, "Oh crap (I don't know why I'm censoring myself in my blog because I thought another word in my head for sure), my bed is unmade and there are ice bags on the floor and the kitchen is messy from breakfast and my clothes haven't been hung up and I can't walk properly at the moment."

Seriously? Sunday afternoon? Who looks for apartments on a Sunday afternoon?

On working out and growing up

I am, or was at one point not terribly long ago, a fairly good athlete. I could push my body and make myself work harder than what might be a normal limit. (For those of you reading this who are better athletes than me, know that I acknowledge your greatness, but my athleticism isn't really the point of this entry. More like the opposite.) Recently, I've been pushing it too hard and winding up in a ton of pain and discomfort. What the hell, man? When I'm working out, I don't feel like I'm pushing harder than I used to. It's true that I'm not working out that hard every single day. It's more like once a week that I work out really hard and just ends up being too much at once. But two weeks ago, I strained my calf muscles in a minor way but was incapacitated for 2 days. Now, my hip flexors (which are tendons, I think?) are so tight that standing up straight makes them feel like they're going to rip, and then I feel like I'm going to vomit. Today, standing up and sitting down at church felt like an exercise in flagellation, like I was causing myself pain to gain forgiveness, which really isn't part of my belief structure at all. I will probably spend the rest of today watching my new copy of Juno and icing my hip flexors (which is a weird place to ice if you've never done it before), so hopefully by tomorrow I'll be able to run again.

I should probably learn a lesson out of this. I should feel grateful for the strong body that God gave me, which I am. I should be thankful that I've never had a truly debilitating disease or accident, and I am that, too. I just think about it more when I'm in a temporary state of debilitation, I guess. In no way do I equate my short-term injuries with the long-term, day-to-day struggle that someone might have to deal with. It's just a good reminder to not get angry about being hurt for a short time or for not being able to do some sport or not looking the way I want to look or all of those things that I focus on when I should just be constantly thankful for what I have. These little lessons are always more difficult than I think they're going to be.

Friday, April 18, 2008

One short thought to end the evening....

Also, I started using Proactiv about a week and a half ago or so. It's not working very well yet, to be honest. I hope there's a turnaround soon because if things don't clear up by the time this 30-day trial is over, then my relationship with Proactiv will end. I kind of expected it to immediately clear my skin up completely, especially since they tell you to wash your face in the morning and at night before bed, which I never did consistently before. Still have breakouts in the same old places, but now I feel guilty about picking at them, so I guess that's a step in the right direction. Whatever.

I had cheese for a goodnight snack. Cheese is a comfort food. I think I needed comfort. Not because of the Proactiv. Just because.

Update! Update! Update!

As it has been commanded, so it shall be. (jk Ashley :)

Tomorrow morning, I will take yet another certification exam to become a teacher. I will take an essay tomorrow morning that will hopefully take about half an hour, so I'll start testing at 8am (but really 8.30 by the time they wait for late people and read all of the stupid directions and tell everyone yet again not to cheat even though it's nearly impossible to cheat on an essay test and if you're resourceful enough to figure out how to do that, you're in the wrong field). My hope is that I'll be home and taking a morning nap by 9.30 at the latest. I would ride my bike, but mine was stolen by a meth addict, so I'll borrow Matt's and will hopefully lock his properly so that it doesn't get stolen as well.

Biking brings up an important thought that's been recurring this week: energy use and being better to the environment. This week, my fellow pro-teachers and I have been giving mini sample lessons to each other instead of taking a final exam in 1 of my 2 classes this semester, which is fine by me. All of the lessons have to be socially conscious because this is a global studies course, so several people did lessons on the environment and how we (and by we I mean middle or high school kids, as these lessons are geared toward them) can do our part. I drive Jeep. I love my Jeep. It allows me to carry my boat around, help people move, carry around lots of groceries since I tend to buy enough for a month all at once so I don't have to go to the store very often, and so on. However, the Jeep drinks gas down like lemonade on a hot day, and I am low on funds, hence the job at Starbucks. As an aside, Starbucks does not pay well, but anything is better than nothing at all, which is what I was earning before. The "but they provide benefits" argument is great if you're planning on working at Starbucks for longer than the summer, which I am not, or if you're not still covered under your father's insurance plan, which I am. Anyway, it is pretty unfortunate that my bike was stolen just recently because I was about to make a resolution that I would drive only to work or to long distance places like airports. I suppose I can borrow Matt's bike, but I think I'll just have to buy a new one for myself.

We'll see. I'll keep you updated on my bike status, as well as the state of my carbon footprint. Maybe I'll switch to "green" cleaning products or change my light bulbs to those spiral ones when these die. I already bought reusable grocery bags. Now I just have to remember to bring them with me to the grocery store when I make my monthly (or bi-monthly (seriously)) trip.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Oh, Dad

http://www.wsbtradio.com/includes/news_items/news_items_more.php?section_id=7&id=2650

The above link leads to an interview with my dad about his living in China and how he's carrying the Olympic torch through the part of China where he lives. My dad is a pretty cool cat.

However.

I love my dad so much. I know he loves me too. But the barbs about not rowing anymore are getting old. The one he says in the radio interview isn't even said with the assumption that I'll hear it. He's basically just bad-talking me on the radio. Not as cool, Dad. He's a pretty intense guy, hence the dad complex. He'll probably never get over this. I don't know his true feelings about it. Maybe he feels betrayed. Maybe he's ashamed of me because he thinks I'm a quitter. Maybe he's projecting a little bit of his disappointment of his own lost chance onto me. He fails to recognize that I'm increasingly happy about my decision to forgo rowing as the main thing in my life and love teaching more every time I do it. I don't know if he'll ever see that or if he cares to see that.

But anyway, the interview is cool, and he's interesting and has done interesting things. Way to go, Dad, I guess.

Monday, April 14, 2008

As the blog title implies...

I am currently in the process of sending my resumes and all sorts of other info out to almost all of the middle and high schools in this entire county in hopes that one of them will give me a job. I actually have most of my hopes set on one particular school but am sending my stuff to all of the schools just in case. Can't put all of my eggs in one basket, right?

I just finished printing out a bunch of resumes and cover letters and sample syllabuses and examples of lesson plans to send to 8 area schools. I just can't believe this is already happening. In my head, I'm still like 12 years old. I mean, I've grown up in some ways: I pay all of my bills on time, I drive a car, I cook food, I clean my apartment, and so on. I realize that I actually am mature enough to handle having a career (CAREER, not just job), but it still seems pretty intense.

My hope is that I'll be a history teacher, and then each year we'll start a magical journey through time, focusing on the people that shape history. You scoff, but you know it's cool. Please, please let me get hired...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

sadface

My mom went home yesterday. I know I'm supposed to be an adult and not be such a little kid, but it was really nice to wake up to the smell of coffee and to see the light on in the kitchen where she was reading. I don't think my mother has been able to sleep past 7am since before my sister was born almost 31 years ago, so that would be a pretty common morning at home. It really makes me consider how soon I'll be able to move back closer to home. Florida is great and I do really like this town, but there's just something great about the Midwest, and being driving distance from home again would be nice.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

St. Augustine: A place for Florida History and outlet shopping...?

The past two days were spent in St. Augustine, FL, the first permanent settlement on the continental US. (The actual first settlement was San Juan, Puerto Rico.) The old Spanish fort is there, and they've restored some of the original houses so you can walk through them, which is all pretty interesting.

But like all places like that that aren't really interesting enough on their own, the entire, sweet little town is a giant tourist trap. There are approximately 8000 (just made that up) Bed and Breakfasts in the 2mi (just made that up) block. Then there are the restaurants. And the gift shops. And the entrance fees to lame ass living history museums. I can imagine what the living history museum workers think to themselves each day as they act out their roles: "These people are idiots - can't they see that I'm the blacksmith? I'm forging nails right here with glowing hot iron. What in hell do they think I'm doing? Stop it with the questions and go talk to the carpenter," and so on. Then there's the Ponce de Leon Fountain of Youth museum, which we didn't venture into because what would they show you? There's no fountain of youth and nothing Ponce declared as the fountain of youth.

There were signs galore for the Fountain of Youth on the way out to the outlet mall. I'll write that again so you can say it aloud - Oouuutlleeetttt Maaaaaallllll. It's a devil's snare. They lure you in with good prices on J.Crew and Gap clothes, which I love, and then you end up buying 3 pairs of shoes and 6 shirts from Banana Republic. Somewhere in the back of your mind you think, Do I need all of this stuff? But you stifle that thought with free samples from Harry and David that persuade you to buy chocolate covered bing cherries. Sinfully delicious.

Basically, this idea makes me think that even though we make fun of Ponce de Leon for looking for the fountain of youth, it's what everyone does, though we have make-up and vitamins and Proactiv and wrinkle cream and Viagra and other weird stuff like that. My closing thought is this: why do we all want to live so long anyway? Maybe that's morbid. I don't mean it like that. I suppose the youth part makes sense, but I'm just trying to figure out how to grow up. To get stunted at one age for a long period of time wouldn't help anything. We have very few comforts that are absolute. One is God. Another is that time will more forward no matter what with nothing we can do to stop it. So I'll jump on that train.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Coffee and Democracy

I drank coffee this morning, which I used to do a lot but haven't done much recently, and it completely threw me off. I feel very tired but jittery at the same time. I'll definitely have to get over this before starting to work at sbux again.

But I'm reading this book called Democracy Matters by Cornell West, and it's dense and takes a day to read 2 chapters, but it's incredible. I think meeting this man would be intimidating because even his writing is intimidating, but I think I'd like to know where he came from, at least. He writes about how America is not and perhaps never has been a democracy, not just because of the semantics of the definition but because people, especially the powers that be, white upper class men, refuse to admit that the country was built upon racism and genocide. He's pretty blunt about the current administration, which is interesting because this was published in 2004, when it was less popular to be openly against Bush and his cronies. I just wonder what he thinks of Obama and this current election race. My guess is that he thinks Obama might be ok but the race is so stupid that it's making him and everything he stands for lose a little bit of credibility. Or maybe that's just what I think.

I highly recommend you read this book, and then we can start a revolution together. Cool?

Monday, April 7, 2008

This is such a bad idea

I caught the blog bug. Friends are doing it, so I think to myself, is anything I have to say really worth writing down for other people to read? Sometimes I answer myself, no, probably not. But today, I thought, Yes, darnit, sometimes things I think and say to myself are good enough for other people to read. Have some self-confidence, girl.

So here is my new, self-confident blog.

However, I'm scared to death of some things.

I'm afraid that I won't get a job teaching and will be stuck working at Starbucks for another year, and kids in the class I student taught in last quarter will come in and be like, "Hey Miss L! I thought you were trying to become a real teacher!" And I'll be like, "Yeah that didn't work out, and why are you at Starbucks at 1 in the afternoon? Go back to school."

The main fear of life, however, is that I'll forever live to try to please my father. I have father issues. I thought only crazy people who either live the rest of their lives talking to a wall or professional athletes were the only ones to have father issues. There's still time for those things, I suppose, though the wall-talking is more likely.

Anyway, this is post 1. We'll see if I make it to post 2. Love you guys.