Another, more thoughtful post

My last post was basically just a list of things I'll be doing for the next 6 weeks. I also have other things going on in my mind, so I'll write those down now:

First, yesterday, I made a huge mistake. I basically accused one of my best friends of something she didn't do, and the amazing thing was, though I hurt her feelings, she didn't act angry at me at all. I was a jerk in the morning, then realized my ridiculousness and rash, callous reaction to something I didn't fully understand, so I told her I was sorry, and then she called me in the evening, where the entire goal of the conversation was to work out the issue and figure out what was really behind it. Not only was I thankful for her forgiveness, I also learned something about friendship and relationships, and big-time about myself.

The underlying issue of the whole thing is that I need to face my insecurities with myself and my role in God's kingdom, as a Christian trying to live in this world. Please, those of you who aren't Christian, don't stop reading here. I'm not trying to preach to you. This can apply to someone trying to figure out the next step, someone trying to figure out where their life is headed. That's what I'm trying to do.

I have just always thought that there was a "way." I saw the way that other Christians served other people or decided where to go or what to do. I watched as other people found their "thing," the thing they lived for that drove them. To Christians, the main "thing" is serving Jesus, but it often seemed like that led to other "things" like mission work overseas or in the inner city or being a camp counselor for under privileged kids. I've been living in the illusion that those are the types of things, of life callings, that are worthy of the kingdom. Honestly, I don't think I am suited to those things at all, and I think that God made me that way and that He'll show me something else. After some invaluable chats and advice with my community-from-afar (as I am still searching for a Gainesville bible study), I realized that I have some things started that are darn good first steps. Clearly, I am in school to become a teacher, and even though I probably won't work at a Christian school and won't be spreading the gospel through public schools, as that is illegal, I can do so much good in that role just in helping kids learn, whether it be history or just life skills. I think of the teachers I know now and what incredible examples they are to kids, and I, of course, think of teachers I had in my own past that without a doubt changed my life.

So I'm not going to go to Africa and become a missionary. I'm also not going to try to jump into inner city missions or become a back-packing trip leader for under privileged youths, though that's probably the coolest thing I could possibly think of. I'll concentrate on making this teaching thing happen and realize that I do have my place in the world, and my place in the world will look almost nothing like anyone else's. Neither will yours.